My McKayla Maroney Moment

I got caught.  On the big screen.  I was sitting in first place in the race in Lake Placid, with one sled, Kaillie Humphries, remaining to go.  During the run for the last sled, the current leader sits in the winners box and watches the next sled go down while the cameras stay on you.  My fiancé was yelling at me to smile--- I didn't hear him, so I got caught.  Not only did I get caught, my moment was replayed on the big screen during the award ceremony for everyone to see, just in case you missed it during the race.  I hoped it didn't show, but I was caught red-handed and now it was on display for everyone to see.  I was unimpressed.

What do I mean that I was unimpressed?  I was in second place!  I was a silver medalist at another world cup to cap off what was an incredible first half of the season for me.  So why was I unimpressed?   It had nothing to do with Kaillie or her run, or where I finished in the race, it had everything to do with being disappointed in my run and how I performed.  It's a weird thing to admit to and something people don't often understand- "You got second- how can you be disappointed?!?" But I wasn't disappointed at the outcome, I was disappointed because I knew I could drive better and I knew I could push faster.  I am an athlete who seeks perfection, I seek perfect mind blowing push times and perfect drives down the track.  I am constantly analyzing and striving to be a better bobsledder, especially a better driver.  Part of the reason I am a driver is because I love the pursuit of this perfection and I love pushing myself to be better.  Don't get me wrong, I want to win medals- of course every athlete does- but at the end of the day I want to walk away from the track knowing that I executed my runs as best as I could, that I had the best runs I've had during the race where it counts the most.  I didn't do that in Lake Placid, so I was disappointed, I'm just usually a lot less obvious about it when I am.

The key is what happens after that disappointment.  Sure I sulked a little and analyzed what I did wrong, but what's most important to me is that I learn something from it.  No amount of post-race chocolate can make me feel as good as learning something from a less than desirable result.   As I mentioned earlier, the outcome was more than desired, the drive just wasn't.  So it was my opportunity to learn something, and from that race I did learn quite a bit.

I've been disappointed plenty of times in my career and I'm sure there are more disappointments to come.  In a sport where perfection seems continuously out of reach, it's hard not to feel disappointed at times, but the most important thing is to learn from it.  Every day, every run, and every race, I'm learning. As long as I keep my mind open to learn from the successes and the disappointments, I'll eventually get where I'm trying to go- I'll have that perfect run.  Hopefully, the face I make then will be caught on tv as well.

Potential Energy

There's something in the air this time of year, in this year- an Olympic year.  We get back on the ice on October 1 here in Lake Placid, but even now there's a certain electricity in the air and its mesmerizing.  It's hard to describe what it feels like, but the source is not to hard to determine- it's potential energy.

What do I mean when I say potential energy you ask?  Well all summer each and every athlete has spent so much time, poured in so much sweat, blood, and tears, into the effort of making the Olympic team or winning an Olympic medal.  It's this time- right before we hit the ice- that all athletes believe that anything is possible and history tells them that anything can happen.  There is the potential for dreams to come true, for records to be broken, and medals to be won, and at this time everyone believes that they individually have the potential to make their dream a reality.

That's the thing about an Olympic year and the Olympics.  Everyone believes they have the potential to reach their goals, regardless of how far fetched they may seem.  The athlete who's won Olympic gold dreams of repeating, the athlete who's never won a race dreams of Olympic victory, and the athlete who's never made a national team dreams of walking into opening ceremonies.  Despite what has happened before, it is this year that matters and potentially anything can happen.

Sure, most of the time the top ranked competitors continue to be top ranked and a lot of time those who are supposed to win the medals do indeed win, but there's always upsets that prove that anything can happen.  For all athletes competing for a spot on the Olympic team, it's that potential that keeps us going, it's the potential that makes us believe we have a fighting chance, regardless of how high the odds may be stacked against us.

Even companies and the media hedge their bets on this potential.  Companies sponsor athletes with the hope of seeing Olympic medals around their necks and media outlets rush to compile stories about America's champions.  The companies and media don't see the past, they see the potential in athletes and tag along for the journey.  Regardless of where athletes have ranked previously, companies and the media believe that anything can happen, and further spread the potential energy.

Right before we hit the ice, the results from the past have been erased.  Each athlete is eager to see what the future holds and what rewards result from all their hard work.  No one is dwelling on what happened last year or the past 3 seasons, each is looking forward and focusing on February 2014.  Before we hit the ice and reality starts to set for some that dreams will not be accomplished- as teams will be named and athletes will be cut- the potential that anything can happen creates an energy in the air that is hard to describe, but it feels like hope and promise.  Soon the potential energy will disappear and the fight for the few Olympic spots will turn the energy madly competitive, where one must be defeated in order for another to accomplish their dreams.  For now though, the energy is positive and intoxicating, as everyone believes they are the next gold medalist.  The truth of the matter is, some will win gold medals and others will fail to make the team, but right now we all live in a world where anything can happen.   The potential for dreams to be made is here, making this the most wonderful time of the year- the calm before the storm.

Holcy

The past two days I've been asked specifically about Steve Holcomb, which has led me to write this blog.  For those of you who don't know, Steve Holcomb is a two-time Olympic bobsledder who won gold in the 4man in the Vancouver Olympics.  He has won a slew of medals in World Cup competition and in World Championships, including a double gold in the 2012 World Championships in 2man and 4man.  He'll be going for his third Olympics this winter in Sochi and looking to defend his title.

Not only do I admire all his accomplishments, but Holcomb has done quite a bit for the team that he may not even realize.  He's not the out spoken type, Holcy (his nickname) usually is content just sticking to himself and a few others, going through his days and workouts with a silent (or sometimes soft spoken) intensity.  He's not a big time celebrity in the sports world, but those who know bobsled know Holcy.  And this is one of the many things I admire about him.   Even though he's one of the most accomplished athletes in the sport, you'd never know it.  He's not a braggart or one to dwell in past accomplishments, he trains every day with the same intensity as if he's never won a gold medal or multiple world championships- and that's something I admire.  He doesn't wear his accomplishments on his sleeve, but is confident in his abilities and his confidence radiates from him anytime he's at a bobsled track- being around him and seeing what he's able to do in a sled makes you think that maybe you could control your sled like that one day and it gives you something to aspire to.

But few people know what's been happening behind the scenes the past few years. Due to the retirement of some athletes and the unfortunate injuries of others, this past season our World Cup team consisted of 5 out of 6 pilots with 4 or less years of driving experience (this past season was my 3rd season of driving).  Holcomb was the only driver this past season with significant driving experience, let alone an Olympic gold medal as a pilot.  With drivers with hardly any experience, coaches have to spend quite a bit of time teaching them the lines to just get down the track, which is vastly different than the coaching needed for more experienced drivers.  The increased amount of attention the new drivers need definitely puts a strain on the coaching staff, which for more experienced drivers, has to be difficult.  It'd be easy as a veteran driver to get frustrated with this situation, but Holcomb handled it like a champ.  He never said anything when I needed to take Brian Shimer (typically his coach) with me for a track walk when I couldn't figure out a curve.  As a matter of fact, on several occasions, he explained lines to me and helped me understand a curve in an entire new way.

Not only has Holcomb been great at the track, he's given me countless advice on sleds, runners, brakeman, and most importantly- how to handle an Olympic year especially dealing with expectations and pressure.  I greatly admire Holcomb and what he's done for the sport of bobsled, but more importantly how he's helped me grow as a driver.  He didn't have to help me, he didn't have to say a word.  The men's and women's teams- although we travel together- often operate in very separate ways.  However, he's helped me since day 1 and that's something I greatly appreciate.  If I'm blessed enough to win a gold medal in Sochi, he'll definitely be one of the people who helped me get there.

Steve Holcomb, 2010 Olympic Gold Medalist, USA Bobsled Pilot

Good "Teammates"

What does it mean to be a good teammate when you are on a "team" where the members directly compete against each other?  This is a question I've thought about quite a bit (probably more than I should have), but with my background in the team sport of softball I can't help but think about what it means to be a good teammate.  In softball it was easy to understand what it meant to be a good teammate, you helped your teammate in any way possible because you knew it would help the entire team accomplish their goals.  Whether it was batting and fielding tips, nutrition advice, or in the college ranks homework help, you did whatever you could to help your teammates perform better.  But how should this work in bobsled?

Team USA after claiming the 2013 World Championship for the Team Competition

In bobsled, I am on the same "team" as 8 other women's bobsledders.  However, only one of them will compete directly with me in the sled at any given time and two other members of the "team" are drivers who I am competing directly against for spots on the team and medals.  So essentially, I'm on Team USA but at the same time I'm not on the same team as many of my teammates because we're in direct competition.  So how are you supposed to be a good teammate when your "team" wants to defeat you? Unfortunately, this is a question I don't have an answer for...

In our sport, there's a saying "I'm not against you, I'm just for me."  It's not a saying the softballer in me appreciates, as it implies that in order for someone to be successful, they must do things that would hurt another person's chances for success.  The optimist in me wants to believe there's a way to create an atmosphere where all of us, despite the competition, work to create a healthy atmosphere where no one is cutting each other down and everyone is working to build up the entire team, not just the members in their sled.  But how would this be done?  Should you help your teammates out even if it means they might beat you?  What determines the proper level of help?  For example, in the past I have let my teammates borrow my runners for a race.  In the sport of bobsled, we have personal sets we own and then sets the federation owns and can use either for a race.  I have previously allowed my teammates to borrow my set of runners for a race, and even once was beat by someone using my runners!  To be honest- I didn't lose the race because of my runners, but runners do factor in to the outcome of a race.   In this case is lending my "teammate" runners good sportsmanship or is it me foolishly giving someone else an advantage?  I used to think I knew the answer to this question...

It's not only the lending of physical goods that makes me question what it means to be a good teammate.  In order to achieve any level of success in elite sport, the space between your ears is more important than any physical asset.  Most elite level athletes are highly aware of this and often when an athlete is unsuccessful it's because of some mental malfunction.  It also sets up the mind as a perceived spot of vulnerability.  We all know examples of athletes taking the competition out physically (Tonya Harding vs. Nancy Kerrigan), but the more intense warfare that you rarely hear about is the mental warfare that occurs to take out the competition.  When you're competing on a team (your individual sled) within a "team" (Team USA), the mental warfare can be intense.  Whether its bad mouthing a someone to coaches or other teammates, or sabotaging their mental routine, cutting down their performances and accomplishments, or creating drama within their circle of competition, unfortunately in my 6 years on the women's bobsled team, I've seen it all.  Not only have I seen it all, I've seen it within the entire "Team USA," not just women's bobsled.  So this again raises the question, what does it mean to be a good "teammate?"

I think the problem is perspective.  I think most people think that in our sport multiple people can't be successful.   I think the problem is that success is only measured by winning a gold medal.   We need to change this perspective.  Yes, every athlete wants to win a gold medal but in reality most won't, but this doesn't mean that every athlete can't be successful.  For example, my determinant for success if I'm blessed enough to make the 2014 Olympics is putting together four great runs in Sochi.  Now this has absolutely nothing- NOTHING- to do with what any of my "teammates" do other than the brakeman in my sled.   I can accomplish this level of success even if my "teammates" have great runs at the Olympics- the two are mutually exclusive.  So for me, I don't need to conduct any mental warfare against my "teammates" because they have nothing to do with me achieving success.  I can be encouraging and supportive without harming my goal, because my goal isn't wrapped up in a gold medal.  My goal is about performance and ensuring that I perform at my best, and if I'm blessed to win a medal for it- great.

I've never felt the need to play mental games with my competition, I want to win races because I put together the best performance on that day.  I want to win because I've trained hard and dedicated myself to learning the sport and determining what's fast.  At the end of the day, I want to perform at my best and win races and be a good person.  I want to be successful and a good teammate at the same time and I believe it's possible.

But what do you do then if your teammates don't feel the same?  What do you do if your teammates still believe "it's either you or me"?  Do you still try to be encouraging?  What lengths should you go to to help your "teammate" out?  Should you let them borrow your runners?  Should you give them training advice?  Should you help their brakeman push faster?  After playing softball for most of my life, the team sport athlete in me votes yes, but maybe I'm naive...

Cause I haven't even asked the final question...so what happens when you try to be a good "teammate" and get burned?  How should you respond then?  How do you respond when despite your best efforts to be a good "teammate," other athletes try to sabotage your efforts of success?  Do you keep encouraging and supporting them?  Do you disband the idea of a "team" and make it every man (or woman) for themselves?

I wish I could end this blog with a profound conclusion, but the truth of the matter is, I don't know.  What I do know is that I'm going to work to be a good "teammate" and let other athletes decide the answers to these question themselves...

Genetic Freaks...really?

Genetic freak.  It's a term that gets thrown around a lot in power sports such as bobsled, track and field, and football.  It's a term that supposed to be a compliment, that so and so is a genetic freak, so and so is so athletically gifted, but what does it really mean?  A simple google search of "genetic freak" turns up many links to body building sites, the first a forum from steroidology.com (http://www.steroidology.com/forum/anabolic-steroid-forum/627368-how-do-you-know-if-man-genetic-freak.html).  The second site is the only source to turn to when vague new phrases are created, the urban dictionary:

1.	Genetic freak Share on twitter Share on facebook Share on more	11 thumbs up
	One who is a freak of nature. Mostly used to describe one's superior physical abilities but can also be used for superior mental abilities. Lebron James could dunk when he was 14, he's just a genetic freak. That guy Marco is a genetic freak, he barely works out and eats fast food all the time, but he has a six pack. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=genetic%20freak

So what really is a genetic freak?  How does anyone actually know if someone is a genetic freak versus someone who has just put in the time and effort to work hard and achieve a certain level of athleticism and fitness?  The short answer is, you don't.  In the past two seasons, two rookies have come in and won the women's bobsled push championships, does that mean they're both genetic freaks?  Another man on our team can power clean over 170kg, does that mean he's a genetic freak?  Most of our guys can squat over 200kg, does that mean they're all genetic freaks?  If at the end of the day all of my teammates (men's and women's bobsled teams) have extraordinary athletic talents in various areas, does that make all of us genetic freaks?  Some may say yes, but most will say no, so what then defines who are among the genetic freaks and who aren't?

Then the other question is, what makes someone a genetic freak anyway?  If someone comes from two parents who were athletic, is it freakish to think that their son or daughter will be athletic as well?  Can that person be a genetic freak then if they are exactly like their parents?  For example, my father was a running back- and I'm built exactly like him but in female form.  Does that exclude me from being a genetic freak because I'm built exactly like my genes say I would be built?  There's not anything freakish about being built like my father, it's in my blood...

So I guess the truly only way to know if someone is a genetic freak is to examine the genomes of athletes.  Is there a particular gene that certain athletes have that make them superior to other athletes?  Is this gene missing from their parents genome or did a new gene mutate in the athlete's genome to make them superior?  I'm not a geneticist, so I won't attempt to answer that question, but there's some very good research out there that examines genetics and athletics (http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=genes-sports-talent).  

Even if we eventually do determine who our genetic freaks are, what does that mean?  Does that mean that everyone competing against genetic freaks should just give up?  Does that mean that genetic freaks should just stop training and let their genetics do all the work?  As coaches, do you just stop training a genetic freak and let them rely on these genetics?  Does that mean a genetic freak will win every time?  No, it certainly doesn't- it practically doesn't change anything!

The only thing calling someone a genetic freak does is give other athletes an excuse when they are defeated by one of these athletes...and excuses are pretty worthless in my book...

Sponsorship

Sponsorship.  It's a word that's commonplace these days around athlete circles, especially those training for Sochi 2014.  It seems like it's all anyone can talk about, and rightfully so- sponsorship is one of the ways athletes try to fund their careers and try to extend them as long as possible.  For us in the bobsled world and in other less mainstream sports, the lead up to the Olympics is the main time to attract sponsors in hopes that they'd join your team and help you along the journey.  It's during this time, April, May, and June, that all the major sponsorship deals are signed for the upcoming season and really an athlete's last chance to repay debt before the Olympics.  If you aren't one of the fortunate ones to sign a deal now, good luck making it to the games (financial hardships can cost athletes dearly in terms of athletic performance) and even better luck trying to capitalize after- where even if you have a medal, most companies have already committed to athletes already so they're out of sponsorship dollars.  It's a tough way to try to fund what you've been working on your whole life- to make an Olympic team and win a medal for your country- but it's necessary to reach your dream.  It's very hard to get there without at least one major sponsor, trust me- I know, as I currently don't have any...

So what's it like trying to attract sponsors?  It's quite a bit like dating.  Now as a female I've mostly left it up to the man to approach me (thankfully Nic took all the first steps), so I'm not as familiar with what it's like from a dating perspective to approach someone- but from what I've heard the two are very alike.  First, you've got to find a commonality between you and the sponsor- what do you have in common that can bring you together- aside from just needing money.  Then you have to attract them- whether it's through your athletic accomplishments, your connection with the company, your story as an athlete- etc.- attraction is the name of the game.  After this initial attraction by both parties, then the courting begins- it's a combination of you as the athlete selling yourself to the company and the company selling themselves to you- trying to see if a relationship can actually work.  Most of the time, unfortunately, it doesn't.  Much like dating, sometimes you hear a lot of nos before you get a yes (or like my mother used to say, "Sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of frogs, to get your Prince").  If you get a yes, then the relationship begins- a negotiation between what is expected from each party and hopefully you both end up happy- you become a family of sorts- offering support to each other in new and fun ways.  Sponsorship can be great for that- it introduces you to a whole new group of people- each of whom have their own relationship to sports, athletes, and the Olympics and it can be an awesome experience to be able to relate and share with them and the entire company.  On the other hand, if you get a no, it's back to the drawing board and starting all over again...

Unlike dating however (for most people who believe in monogamy), once you have one sponsor the work isn't done.  You've still got debt to pay back from the previous 4 sponsorship years, so you've got to try to attract another one to keep you going for the Olympic season and beyond (should you choose to continue).  So even though you've got one sponsor now, the work has only just begun, and it's time for the next pitch.

Now as I mentioned earlier, I currently don't have any sponsors, but it's not for lack of trying.  Earning sponsorship is a fascinating mix- you've got to put in the leg work to do so, but at what price?  I have an agent that handles most of the leg work for me, because at the end of the day I just don't have the time.  As much as the sponsorship is needed to fund my career, I need to focus on my performance and being the best athlete I can be, or else sponsorship won't be an issue at all- because I won't be able to keep making teams and winning medals.  It's a tricky balance- trying to get sponsors, raise money for your career, and train 40+ hours a week- but it must be done to some extent to continue to pursue your dreams.

Hopefully in a few months I'll be able to report that I have a sponsor, that I don't have to find odd jobs to try to pay for the season that cut into my preparation as an athlete, but nothing is guaranteed.  In the meantime, I have to focus on preparing myself for the upcoming season athletically, and do what I can to secure sponsors on the side.  Don't get me wrong, if I'm fortunate enough to secure a sponsor leading into 2014, I'll do everything I can to make that as great a relationship as possible, and I'm excited at the possibility of connecting with a company or business, but in the meantime, I can't afford to let talk of sponsorship consume me.  It has consumed many athletes in the lead up to the games, and I've seen it lead to the downfall of many athletes.  Many athletes get too concerned about capitalizing off the opportunity to make a little money and forget why we're all here.

We're here because we love our sports.  At the end of the day, sponsors or not, I still love bobsled and I still love going down the hill as fast as possible.  I'd love to have sponsors to help me keep bobsledding, but if I'm not fortunate enough to get them, I'm going to do whatever I can to keep bobsledding as long as possible- and not for the money- but because I love my country and I love my sport.  I love representing the USA and I love driving my sled.  I'll do this sport as long as I can, because there's no amount of money that can compare to the amazing feeling of wearing USA on your back for all the world to see.

WHOA...It's been a WHILE

It's been so long since I've blogged!  So much has happened- well I suppose a lot can happen in a year lol.  I'm now engaged, a two time World Championship medalist, and a silver medalist on the Olympic track- and that's just a small update of all that's happened!  With my blog for espnW and my increased tweeting (I'm addicted), I'm not sure there's much to leave for this blog anymore.  So I've decided to change things up a little bit.  This blog won't be used to update you on what's going on with me, but rather a forum for me to write on various topics that I don't get to write about in other instances.  Hopefully you'll find some of it funny and you'll find others intriguing and good reading.  Let me know what you'd like to hear about also, because I can blog a Q&A session.  At any rate, I enjoy blogging and I enjoy writing, so it's about high time I get back to it!  So I'm not going to blog all the things you can already find on the internet- the press stories- but hopefully topics you'll find interesting.

If there's anything you want me to comment on, let me know!

I'm back!

Celebrating my engagement with the girls
Photo by Charlie Booker