Biking Blues

If I didn't know any better I'd swear Stu was training me for the Tour De France.  The past two months I have logged more hours on a bike than I have in my entire life!  Good news is I actually discovered what bicyclists already know, that your butt does get used to riding on those hard seats day in and day out.

Why so much time on a bike?  Because injuries suck- that's why!  For the past 4 years I've had problems with my right achilles, but with a looming Olympic season and the need to figure out this whole driving thing, I haven't really had much time to take the time off needed- making my achilles worse and worse and worse.  This past summer, while training, my left achilles decided it wasn't fair that all the attention was paid to the right, and demanded attention in a very painful way.  I started the summer training and trying to push through training with therapy and treatment, but when every morning it was a struggle to get out of bed- literally crawling out of bed because my achilles weren't warmed up enough to allow me to walk, the pain of trying excruciating, my body demanded I make a change- and so, I got on the bike.

So I've been riding, all variations of bike sprints and even some longer distance stuff, watching people like my rival Kaillie Humphries run and sprint freely.  If there was ever a time for envy, it wasn't for the gold medals she deservedly won, but for those moments where I sat on a bike trying to limit extra ankle movement as much as possible while she sprinted.  Normally as intense as we train we crave for a bike workout- hoping that at least the seated motion will spare us the soreness and pain of intense sprint workouts, but it does neither, and only makes you long to at least feel the soreness from moving as fast as you can through space- not sitting on a stationary bike.

So I ride, and wait, and ride, and wait- among constant treatments of course- to try to get in shape for the season and also heal correctly so I don't go through another 4 years of the same madness.   People ask constantly about what lies ahead of me as far as rugby goes, but in less they've invented a new sport, I don't think tackling on a bike is a good idea.  As for bobsled season, its fast approaching with push championships in October, but at least I'm a pilot- able to take less steps than those crazy brakemen.  Right now it's a battle of waking up every day to see how I feel- when my achilles feel good, I feel as though I could run a solid 100m in record time, but when they feel bad- well, let's just say I'm lucky to do a bike workout.

So for now, it's a race of my achilles and time- time to heal vs go time.  With both bobsled and rugby seasons approaching (they're the same season), time is not on my side.  As time goes- nothing I can do will slow it down- so I'm at its mercy, and taking every day as it comes.  Time will heal all wounds, and my achilles are no different, as long as I allow time to work its magic and not attempt to fast forward.   If that means more time on the bike, then so be it.  When they finally do let women in the Tour De France, looks like I'll be ready!

Rugby

Playing in China against #3 Canada

Now that things have calmed down a bit (but not much), I finally have time to blog.  Things have been absolutely crazy since the Olympics, but I managed to make things even crazier by adding a new sport- rugby.  I never played rugby prior to heading out to Chula Vista, CA, in March where the US National rugby 7s team trains, but I was excited for the opportunity.  During the summer of 2013 when I was training for Sochi, the rugby coach approached me.  He saw how I trained, noticed my speed and size, and invited me out to a practice.  At the time, I was a little busy, but I went down to the field and watched and put it in the back of my mind.  After Sochi, I was trying to figure out what comes next and then I remembered rugby and the coach's invitation.  I emailed him and he told me I could come out to Chula Vista and see what happens.  A month later I was in China representing the US in another sport, an incredible honor.

Rugby was not an attempt to erase what happened in Sochi.  I did not start playing rugby in order to "fix" what happened in Sochi or take the disappointment away from not winning a gold medal.  If anything, playing rugby has re-ignited the fire and passion I have for bobsled.  I started playing rugby because I saw it as a challenge- a new sport, a new type of training, and a way to really test myself as an athlete.  After playing with the US team in China and in Amsterdam, I have learned quite a bit about the game of rugby but also about myself as an athlete.  

Coming onto the US Rugby team was quite humbling.  Here I am, a two-time Olympic medalist, coming into a sport that I know nothing about.  Not only did I start playing a new sport, but I came into it at the highest level possible (my first game was against Canada- the #3 team in the world)!  I had to learn everything from the beginning.  The team has been great in teaching me the ropes, which awesome given my attendance at both these tournaments prevented other athletes from attending- other athletes who have considerably more rugby experience that I do.  The team embraced me and has taught me every step of the way.  Every day on the rugby pitch I have learned so much and much of it from my teammates.  I still have a ton to learn about rugby, but my experience so far has made me a better athlete, it has challenged me in ways I didn't know were possible.  It's very humbling to come off an Olympics and be doing rookie skits, but it's been such an incredible learning experience about myself as a person and as an athlete that I wouldn't change those embarrassing rookie moments for anything in the world.

I don't know what happens next as far as rugby is concerned.  The media has made a big deal about me going for Rio, but at this point I don't know how probable it is- and not for lack of effort.  The conflict is that rugby and bobsled compete in the same seasons.  Both rugby and bobbled start back up with international play in November.  Given my commitment to bobsled for the next four years and my need to be in my sled learning as much as possible as a driver, I don't know how rugby will fit into everything.  However, I am currently training for both and the rugby coach is working with me to find ways to make it work.  At the end of the day, if Team USA needs me for rugby, I'll be there.  If not, I'm going to help Team USA in anyway possible, even if it's just helping lend Olympic experience to a team that's making it's debut in 2016.  I'm all about having adventures, so we'll see how this rugby adventure takes me.  Right now- I'm just going to train as hard as I can and see what happens. 

New Website!!

Hey everyone!  Thank you so much for all your support and encouragement!  Just wanted to write a short post to let you all know that I have a new website- www.elanameyersusa.com  Check it out- my blogs will also be posted there as well as here!

Thanks everyone!  

Silver Lining

I need to write.  And I need to write while the emotion is still raw, before I have the chance to let my rational mind consume my thoughts as it tries to help me sleep at night.  My hope is that maybe someone can learn something from my words, that it can change something for someone, but if not, hopefully it's cathartic enough for me to help me get some sleep at night.

Every night I'm haunted by that last run; I haven't slept much since it happened.  I replay the skids so vividly in my head that any thoughts of the other corners are reduced to a mere hazy memory.

So how does it feel to feel like you choked in front of the whole world?  How does it feel to have your lifelong dream slip away literally from your fingertips? It sucks.

So what happened?  This is a question I will ask repeatedly for the next four years.  I felt physically good and I mentally felt in the best place possible to drive my sled well.  I'm usually very strong in the biggest pressure situations, which is how I landed the nickname of E-Money or Money Meyers, the pressure excites me and usually brings out the best of me- this time it just didn't.  

I finally watched the last run of the race and realized I didn't quite look like myself- I looked well...exhausted.  And I was exhausted before the race had even started.  I'd mentioned before that my Olympics had been extremely tough, and it had been.  It began with the initial Olympic team selection, where some brakeman were chosen and others not and the hate mail started to come.  I should've had tougher skin, but I never would've thought I would've been told I'm a horrible person for something I didn't choose; I took it too much to heart and got stressed out.  It then continued with brakemen race-offs in Sochi (which are always stressful), which resulted in a gash in my shin that required a stitch and a bone bruise, brakeman switches, and yes more hate mail.  We finally get to race week and there's problems with equipment, I crash (whiplash), and then my sled breaks (and even more whiplash)- like gets completely totaled- and reassembled again.  So needless to say I was absolutely exhausted, but I still believed in my power to come back from all of this and succeed and win the gold.  I still believed that despite my exhaustion I was going to be able to perform at the highest level- and I was doing it...and then it slipped away.    Was I too exhausted?  Did I just finally hit my mental limits?  I don't know...

I know people are proud of me, but I also know that I'll be for we criticized as having choked at the Olympics and to those people at this time I don't have much to say.  I honestly don't know what happened.  I did everything right- I ate right, slept the required hours, and followed my coaches instructions to a tee, but it just didn't happen.  I lie awake at night trying to figure out why, yet the answers don't come.  I know they will eventually surface, but I know it will take some deep reflection.  I'll get some answers eventually, but right now I'm just stuck with my  emotions and stuck trying to figure out how to move past all this so I can begin the next four years.

I can't change what happened and even as I grasp to make sense of it all, I'm still at a loss.  At the moment I feel like I let my coaches, teammates, Lauryn, all of America down, and nothing seems to reduce the sting.  The tears come easily now, but each time they come I'm reminded of what happened and how I never want to feel this way again.

As I go on with my career, even if I win a gold medal I'm sure that I won't forget the pain I feel right now, but if I am fortunate enough to win a gold medal, I know it will be because of this moment.  I will use these feelings as motivation- as a guiding force to teach me what I need to to move forward.  I will figure out what went wrong and how to become a better athlete because of it.  I will take this moment and use it as an opportunity to grow as a person and an athlete.  I'm motivated more than ever now to become the athlete I know I can be.  I will learn everything I need to from this situation and become even stronger.

This post may seem strange to most people who would say "Hey- you won a silver medal at the Olympics"- but my goal at the Olympics wasn't to win a medal necessarily, it was to put down four great runs, and I didn't do that.  I let myself down, but the outcome was still a medal.  I'm proud to have won a medal for my country and I'm proud of the effort I put out to do it.  My friends and family sacrificed so much, and my fiancé has perhaps sacrificed the most in terms of time, energy, and financially. I worked extremely hard for this hardware, and I'll forever cherish it.   I've made history- I'm the first black pilot to win an Olympic medal, the first woman to win a medal as a pilot and a brakeman, and the first US woman to win two bobsled medals- that's quite an incredible feat!  

At the end of the day I have to appreciate the journey to this point- the journey to win this Olympic medal.  I've learned so much and I've grown so much as a person.  I am a better daughter, sister, fiancé, and athlete because of the past four years and the journey to Sochi.  At the end of the day, I may have lost the gold, but there's definitely a silver lining. 

Hard decisions

It all comes down to next week.  It all comes down to Igls.  The thought of it is literally making me sick to my stomach.  As excited as I am about the naming of the Olympic team for the U.S. women's bobsled team next week, I'm also completely dreading it.  Why would I dread what would seem like a tremendous celebration?  Because for the six women are named to the team (3 drivers, 3 brakeman), 3 inevitably won't be named to the team- and that thought turns my stomach over and makes me sick.

Why would that thought make me sick?  Well I'm a team sport kind of athlete, I love having teammates and I love interacting with them and competing with them.  My mom always wishes I would gravitate towards an individual sport, where the focus was just on me and my performance, but I could never stay away from the fact that I absolutely love having teammates and people to share the highs and the lows with.  There's a certain bond between teammates that develops and it's always something special, and with this team it's no different.

I say it's no different, but this team is something special.  Kristi Koplin was one of the brakeman with me my first year driving- taking miserable trip after miserable trip as I tried to learn the ropes.  Without her and the class of brakeman that came in with her, who knows where I'd be.

Emily Azevedo has been on World Cup since 2006-2007 season and she's been a stalwart.  With Olympic games experience, she's been a veteran leader for the brakeman and helped keep everything together- with the changing of coaches and drivers as well.  Emily's been a rock for this team for a long time.

Katie Eberling- oh what can I say about Katie!  She's been my rock for the past two seasons- she's been with me as I transitioned to a full time World Cup driver and fought with me through thick and thin- she pushed me to two World Championship medals and she's got a fight that's always helped me stay confident in my driving.  We've been roommates the past two years- we've seen each other at the highest of highs and the lowest of lows (she's probably seen me cry more than anyone in bobsled other than Nic!), and she's always been there for me.  I can't say enough how much the past two years of having Katie in the back of my sled has gotten me to where I am today and for that I'll forever be grateful.

Lauryn Williams is a rookie this year.  She doesn't know much about the sport, but she's one of the most positive people I've ever met.  She's eager to learn and eager to help, and she's been great for a team where stress is a constant looming presence.  She pushed me to a medal this season and it's been a joy to slide with her.

Lolo Jones is one of the hardest working people I've ever met.  She has so much energy I feel like she's doing 100 things at once!  She truly transitioned into a bobsledder and knows how to take care of a driver.  It's definitely reassuring as a pilot knowing that if the sled some how broke in a million pieces, you could rest assure knowing that Lolo would some how find all million pieces and personally sit down and super glue the entire thing back together!  That's what kind of worker she is- she's tireless and determined.  I've won medals with her as well and what's she's displayed in those wins is an incredible amount of fight.  She's been great for this team.

And finally, Aja Evans.  What a beast!  She's got so much talent I think the weights get stronger when she lifts them!  She's been a great athlete all her life but she is starting to become a great bobsledder.  She's always pushed fast, but she's starting to learn the sport and is working every day to become a better bobsledder.  I had my first World Cup win with her and she has worked this year to make my life as easy as possible.  We've been through our highs and lows together, but this year in particular we've grown closer and she's really come into her own.

When you've got 6 great brakeman, 6 brakeman that I've all won medals with, cried with, and laughed with, how the heck are you supposed to narrow it down to just 3?  To clarify, the drivers do not select the brakeman.  The brakeman are selected to the Olympic team by a selection committee that includes coaches, our CEO, and retired Olympians.  I personally am glad I don't have to make this decision, because with a brakeman squad like this how could you possible choose?  All of these women work extremely hard and all of them deserve to go, but only 3 will make it.  I'm going to be over the moon excited for those who make it, but devastated for those who don't.  I have no idea at this point how this decision will turn out but I'm proud of every single last brakeman.  They've all fought for this spot and they've all earned it.   I'll be honored to be on an Olympic team with any of these incredible women.

January 19 will undoubtedly be one of the hardest days for me of my bobsled career...

My McKayla Maroney Moment

I got caught.  On the big screen.  I was sitting in first place in the race in Lake Placid, with one sled, Kaillie Humphries, remaining to go.  During the run for the last sled, the current leader sits in the winners box and watches the next sled go down while the cameras stay on you.  My fiancé was yelling at me to smile--- I didn't hear him, so I got caught.  Not only did I get caught, my moment was replayed on the big screen during the award ceremony for everyone to see, just in case you missed it during the race.  I hoped it didn't show, but I was caught red-handed and now it was on display for everyone to see.  I was unimpressed.

What do I mean that I was unimpressed?  I was in second place!  I was a silver medalist at another world cup to cap off what was an incredible first half of the season for me.  So why was I unimpressed?   It had nothing to do with Kaillie or her run, or where I finished in the race, it had everything to do with being disappointed in my run and how I performed.  It's a weird thing to admit to and something people don't often understand- "You got second- how can you be disappointed?!?" But I wasn't disappointed at the outcome, I was disappointed because I knew I could drive better and I knew I could push faster.  I am an athlete who seeks perfection, I seek perfect mind blowing push times and perfect drives down the track.  I am constantly analyzing and striving to be a better bobsledder, especially a better driver.  Part of the reason I am a driver is because I love the pursuit of this perfection and I love pushing myself to be better.  Don't get me wrong, I want to win medals- of course every athlete does- but at the end of the day I want to walk away from the track knowing that I executed my runs as best as I could, that I had the best runs I've had during the race where it counts the most.  I didn't do that in Lake Placid, so I was disappointed, I'm just usually a lot less obvious about it when I am.

The key is what happens after that disappointment.  Sure I sulked a little and analyzed what I did wrong, but what's most important to me is that I learn something from it.  No amount of post-race chocolate can make me feel as good as learning something from a less than desirable result.   As I mentioned earlier, the outcome was more than desired, the drive just wasn't.  So it was my opportunity to learn something, and from that race I did learn quite a bit.

I've been disappointed plenty of times in my career and I'm sure there are more disappointments to come.  In a sport where perfection seems continuously out of reach, it's hard not to feel disappointed at times, but the most important thing is to learn from it.  Every day, every run, and every race, I'm learning. As long as I keep my mind open to learn from the successes and the disappointments, I'll eventually get where I'm trying to go- I'll have that perfect run.  Hopefully, the face I make then will be caught on tv as well.

Potential Energy

There's something in the air this time of year, in this year- an Olympic year.  We get back on the ice on October 1 here in Lake Placid, but even now there's a certain electricity in the air and its mesmerizing.  It's hard to describe what it feels like, but the source is not to hard to determine- it's potential energy.

What do I mean when I say potential energy you ask?  Well all summer each and every athlete has spent so much time, poured in so much sweat, blood, and tears, into the effort of making the Olympic team or winning an Olympic medal.  It's this time- right before we hit the ice- that all athletes believe that anything is possible and history tells them that anything can happen.  There is the potential for dreams to come true, for records to be broken, and medals to be won, and at this time everyone believes that they individually have the potential to make their dream a reality.

That's the thing about an Olympic year and the Olympics.  Everyone believes they have the potential to reach their goals, regardless of how far fetched they may seem.  The athlete who's won Olympic gold dreams of repeating, the athlete who's never won a race dreams of Olympic victory, and the athlete who's never made a national team dreams of walking into opening ceremonies.  Despite what has happened before, it is this year that matters and potentially anything can happen.

Sure, most of the time the top ranked competitors continue to be top ranked and a lot of time those who are supposed to win the medals do indeed win, but there's always upsets that prove that anything can happen.  For all athletes competing for a spot on the Olympic team, it's that potential that keeps us going, it's the potential that makes us believe we have a fighting chance, regardless of how high the odds may be stacked against us.

Even companies and the media hedge their bets on this potential.  Companies sponsor athletes with the hope of seeing Olympic medals around their necks and media outlets rush to compile stories about America's champions.  The companies and media don't see the past, they see the potential in athletes and tag along for the journey.  Regardless of where athletes have ranked previously, companies and the media believe that anything can happen, and further spread the potential energy.

Right before we hit the ice, the results from the past have been erased.  Each athlete is eager to see what the future holds and what rewards result from all their hard work.  No one is dwelling on what happened last year or the past 3 seasons, each is looking forward and focusing on February 2014.  Before we hit the ice and reality starts to set for some that dreams will not be accomplished- as teams will be named and athletes will be cut- the potential that anything can happen creates an energy in the air that is hard to describe, but it feels like hope and promise.  Soon the potential energy will disappear and the fight for the few Olympic spots will turn the energy madly competitive, where one must be defeated in order for another to accomplish their dreams.  For now though, the energy is positive and intoxicating, as everyone believes they are the next gold medalist.  The truth of the matter is, some will win gold medals and others will fail to make the team, but right now we all live in a world where anything can happen.   The potential for dreams to be made is here, making this the most wonderful time of the year- the calm before the storm.