A Few Thoughts On Love

If your my friend on Facebook, by now you've realized that a good majority of my statuses refer to my love life.  Most of my statuses are meant to be funny, but some are truly emotional commentary on my thoughts about love.  I'm not artistic, and I'm definitely no song-writer or poet, so often my statuses are the only way to express my emotions; and if you know me, then you know that most of the time I react to situations with humor, even when it's inappropriate!  Sometimes, however, I do express my sorrow or frustration with this thing called love, but we'll get to that in a moment.

My love life has been quite storied.  For someone who didn't even start really dating until late high school- my first kiss wasn't until I was 20 (no lie)- my love life has been quite interesting.  I've dated many different types of men- my social-ability and love of meeting new people lends itself to that- and I've dated men with a lot of different stories.  I've learned quite a bit from the different men I've dated though, most importantly what I look for in a mate.  It's not my intention to review every single story here, but I will eventually write a book of these stories- and trust me- it will be hilarious.

So what have I learned about love?  A lot and nothing at all!  Love is the most difficult emotion. It often has no rhyme and reason, it comes without warning and when you least expect it.  It's such a strong emotion- that it can bring you to cloud 9 and also cause you to feel as though you've entered the gates of hell.  It's an emotion that is unpredictable and uncontrollable and wonderfully amazing all at the same time.  Losing love can bring your to your knees, while finding love can bring you to the highest mountain; but that's just the thing about love- you don't find love, it finds you.

Now I don't know whether there is only one great love for everyone- that there is only one person in the world you will ever truly love romantically.  I hope that we can have more than one great love, because I have been in love, and I have been out of love- more frequently out of love than in.   I have also had one great love- a love so great I still wonder if I'll ever find anything better- but that love also left me with the greatest heartbreak of my life, a heartbreak that still pains me to this day.

I have had so many ups and downs with love that despite my attempts at humor at the situation, it could be looked at as quite discouraging.  I could easily be bitter and turn cold.  But I choose otherwise.  For every love I have lost, every moment in love has made it worth the heartbreak.  I cherish every time I have been in love and would rather have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.  These loving moments have enriched my life more than any heartbreak could ever defeat me.

I'm an optimist.  I believe in the goodness of love and I believe that everyone will find love- or love will find them.  I believe that love is worth sacrificing for, and that no single cause is greater to fight for.  I believe in the power of love, and that there is love for everyone.

I'm sure my dating life will continue to be hilarious and that I'll have many more adventures- that's just who I am- and it makes life interesting.  And who knows, I may experience more love and heartbreaks, more ups and downs in this thing called love, but I know I'll cherish every moment.  And although I'm not actively looking for love, I know it will find me- and I can't wait to see what happens when it does.

I love love.

My Life As A Pro: Experiences in Pro Softball

The 2011 season of the National Pro Fastpitch league (NPF) started this afternoon  and was kicked off by a game that aired on ESPN2.  In honor of the start of the season, I wanted to take the time to talk about my experience as a professional softball player.

I had a successful career in college individually, I set many school records and won many awards, and really grew as a softball player an as an athlete.  It was always my dream to play professional softball, but despite my athletic success, I went undrafted.  In order to reach my dream, I tried out for a team located in Philadelphia- the Philadelphia Force.  I was invited to training camp with the possibility of making the team.  I trained and traveled with the team, and even played in an exhibition game against the team located in Washington DC and had my first at-bat which resulted in a walk.  I was technically living my dream and playing professional softball, however, I had not yet been named to the official team roster when other teams started calling.  I had several offers- with financial incentives greater than what I would receive as a rookie in the NPF- from teams in Italy and in Europe, but I wanted to play in the U.S.- in what I consider the best league in the world.  It was then that I received another call from a coach of the Mid-Michigan Ice- a professional team located in Midland, Michigan.  The team was not officially in the NPF- however, they played a complete NPF schedule against all the major teams, paid their athletes, and were looking to enter the league officially the next season.  The manager offered me a starting position at 3rd base.  Knowing I wasn't yet on the official roster for the Force, I went to the general manager and asked him what my prospects of making the full roster were and what my future looked like.  When he wasn't able to give me an exact answer, I packed up my car and left training camp and drove straight to Michigan.  

I arrived the next day and drove straight to the field, where everyone was receiving their uniforms.  I met everyone, and took the field with the team for the first time.  Despite not knowing anyone or what was going to happen, I was at ease because I felt I was living my dream.

What happened over the remainder of the season was anything but what I could have imagined.  I started at 3rd base and played against some of the top athletes in the world.  I had success but also tasted defeat and learned hard what it was like to play softball at the highest level.  I was truly a rookie, and was now facing athletes that had played the sport at the highest level.  I started the season off hot- hitting well and excelling, but when I hit a slump- which is quite normal for a rookie in the pro league- it was up to myself to try to pull myself out of it.  I had the toughest time pulling myself out and continued to struggle.  Additionally, my coach didn't help my situation, and my confidence continued to sink- making the slump even worse.  

As if my on-the-field problems weren't bad enough, in the middle of the season our owner filed for bankruptcy and quit, and our coach quit with him.  Did I mention we were on a road trip in Lowell, Massachusetts, when all this happened?  Not knowing how we would get home, we still had our series to finish out.  We finished out the series not knowing what would happened, and made the long trip back to Michigan.  

Luckily, the NPF decided we were still of value.  The league "adopted" our time and paid our salaries for the remainder of the season and all of the other expenses related to a professional softball team.  A new coach was put in place and we continued to play.  Unfortunately, the new coach and I completely clashed heads, so my personal performance continued to slump.  

I still believed in myself as a professional softball player.  I had had success, including hitting a homerun against one of the top pitchers in the league (pretty big deal for me- as I was not a homerun hitter- I only had 7 in 5 years of college softball and 2 of them were in the park!) and made some pretty good defensive plays in the field.  I also ended the season on a good note- a pretty good series against none other than the Philadelphia Force, where the general manager actually complimented me on my performance and said they had viewed me as a threat; followed by a road series in Akron where I performed well.  Although this boosted my confidence, it was too little too late and I ended the season discouraged and completely burned out of softball.  

The season ended and I packed my bags to return home and start grad school and my position as a graduate assistant.  Although I felt burned out from softball, I felt like I had so much more unfulfilled athletic potential- which led me to bobsled, and the rest is history....

Although I did not have the experience I hoped for athletically playing professional softball, I did meet many great people and have the opportunity to play against some of the top athletes in the world.  I am truly blessed to have had this opportunity, and I'm grateful for it.  My feeling of being burned out from softball caused me to withdraw and lose touch with many of the friends I made during that time, but I still cherish those moments.  I met so many great people and had some truly memorable experiences that will last a lifetime.

I often get asked if I'll ever play softball again.  I love the game- it was after all my first love- and you never forget your first love.  I believe I never reached my full potential in the game, and strongly believe I can pick the game back up and be better than I ever was before- I'm a much better athlete at this point of my life than I was 4 years ago.  Although I haven't been playing the last few years- I've stayed in the game as much as possible by coaching and giving hitting and pitching lessons.  I've had offers to play internationally, which have come with some pretty good financial incentives as well.  However, at this point of my life, softball seems to conflict with my bobsled goals.  I would love to find a way to play both, but for now my focus is on Sochi 2014 and my current relationship with bobsled.  Maybe one day I'll be able to return to my first love of softball, but for now, I'm perfectly happy as a bobsledder.